You Are Who You Date

By Liz Anoushka

Ever wondered why you keep dating the same types of people over and over again even when you want to change for better? Here are our top guesses so you better take notes (it’s going to be worth it).

You live in a certain neighborhood

If you want to meet men and women of a different nationality, ethnicity, or class, your chances of interacting with them in your current neighborhood may be quite slim. Proximity plays a major role in our choices for a mate and you tend to find a partner among those who live closest to you. It doesn’t have to be your neighborhood per se. It can be the region where you live and work. While changing your work place may not be that easy, you should think seriously about investing in a more posh neighborhood. This could be somewhere famous with mixed races, mixed ethnicities, the bourgeoisie and upper classes. Change your surroundings, have a different calibre of neighbors, and your chances of meeting different people than the ordinary dates in your past will be much higher.

You socialise in the same circles

Most of us tend to hesitate when someone asks “so, where did you guys meet?” especially when the story of how we met our current date isn’t flattering at all. While life is full of surprises and the right type of people can be bumped into almost anywhere, there are places you shouldn’t be meeting your future date (you’ll know why in a bit). Networking is crucial for your love life as it is in other aspects of your life. Keeping at teenage concerts, low-end restaurants and bars, casinos and betting centers are some of the places you shouldn’t be thinking to meet a serious partner or one who stands out in light of the goals you have. Elevate your choices of the places and events you attend and the kinds of people you mingle with. Put in extra savings if you must and book those VIP tickets to events or start investing in high-end hangout places.

You dress a certain way

Impression is key all the time. How you dress speaks volumes about your personality, financial status, social class, education, personal taste, and could give a hint about your goals too. If you keep dressing with low or poor taste, accessorise wrongly, or seem clueless about what’s appropriate for what occasion, then don’t be surprised if your Mr. and Mrs. Right keep avoiding you. This will leave you up to potential dates that share the same ‘poor’ tastes as you or those who misinterpret your dresscode to assume you’re equally of low class, needy, desperate, or whatever other conclusions they draw that aren’t necessarily in your best interests. Finding your ideal partner is a huge lifetime decision worth spending right on your appearance, what you wear, where you buy it, how you wear it, where you wear it to, when and how often.

Your goals are still pretty much the same and mediocre

To attract the right kind of partner, it starts with your inner self. When you set easy and mediocre goals for yourself, it eventually reflects in the decisions you make about your friendships, career, wardrobe, health, expenses, relationships, time, and more. Mediocre goals will keep you dating the same losers, users, and unserious partners. Take some time off to sit down or take a walk (anywhere you can be alone with your thoughts) and thoroughly evaluate your current and previous relationship choices based on the goals you had made (you will notice a correlation). Try to flip through some magazines and high-end newspapers for inspiration into the lives of society’s top achievers to help you refine your life goals. Be ambitious but realistic about the best kind of person you want to be, the type of energy and image you want to project, what you want to achieve (spiritually, emotionally, financially), the kinds of friends and networks you want to have, where you want to live and travel to, how best you can maximise your 24 hours, and whatever other area of your life you need to revise. Invest in a counsellor or therapist (someone trustworthy, objective, wise and honest that you can share your journey with and will keep you pinned on to your goals). Take the time to work on yourself, associate with like-minded people, hangout in places where like-minded people love to frequent, and remind yourself that the next person you date should reflect similar, stronger or better goals and growth than your own, nothing less!

You haven’t thought seriously about what you want in a relationship

The person you choose to date (doesn’t matter whether you think you’re out of their league or not) says a lot about you, it’s the law of attraction. Let’s assume you’re one successful, confident CEO who constantly ends up dating unserious, dishonest timewasters. Chances are you’re acting out of desperation or that there are aspects of your personality, goals, character, and social networks that you haven’t carefully looked into. Compromising your standards says more about you than it does about the person you choose to date but at the end of the day, romantic relationships aren’t about charity, there’s no need to rush and you should make decisions that favour you and your goals (where you want to be in life and what you want to achieve). Do your homework and be clear about what it is you want out of a relationship before you get into one. If you’re already dating, consider allocating some quiet thinking time to reflect on your current relationship, what you want out of it, whether it compliments your goals or if you’re selling yourself short. Don’t settle for a relationship goal you can achieve solo.

Your choice of friends is ruining your chances

Birds of a feather do flock together. You can convince yourself that you are the only honest person among your circle of dishonest friends but this doesn’t work in your favour. The company we keep has a strong influence on our well-being, decisions, habits, and more. Proximity comes into play once again, you are likely to date the people your friends mingle with or those they introduce you to. It’s unlikely they will hang out with those who are different from them. Also, the friends you choose to keep rub off positively or otherwise on your personal image or brand. Your ideal date probably won’t take you seriously and will often avoid you while the unserious or less ideal type find you irresistible. Relationships imply our partner’s friends become part of our social circles in the long run and no one in their right mind will want to open the door for the wrong company to mix with their own reputed circles.

The choices for who you are or become and what you do with your life are completely yours, only remember they go a long way in determining certain crucial aspects of your life including finding a worthwhile partner or spouse.

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